Feeling juicy and alive in your body is great.
Enjoying fulfilling and supportive relationships is wonderful.
Financial freedom and soul-purpose work is awesome.
But the most essential thing to living a truly satisfying life is – drum roll please
No matter how good you look, how much money or friends you have or even how spiritual you are, what ever you achieve will never be enough if you don’t have a loving relationship with the most important person in your life – you.
This isn’t anything you probably don’t already know, but do you actually actively cultivate a loving relationship with yourself?
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.
Here are a some questions to help you access your level of self love
Which of the following apply to you?
recurring negative self talk recurring
unpleasant situations or relationships
self-limiting beliefs that show up as not achieving your goals or desires?
unhealthy and/or self sabotaging habits (of mind, body and spirit)
negative judgments of yourself or others
resentments or regrets around past experiences
forgiveness and acceptance of yourself exactly as you are
compassion for yourself especially when you aren’t as capable as you would like to be
knowing your gifts and sharing them regularly
authentically expressing yourself
feeling juicy, alive and completely at ease in your body
having fulfilling and supportive relationships
having financially and emotionally satisfying work
There’s no score here, these are questions to ponder. Be honest with yourself and see where you treat yourself kindly and where you don’t. Where are you strong in self love and where could you use some more?
And yes, the last three, like other life-affirming aspects, arise from loving yourself rather than the other way around. It’s not selfish to love and take good care of yourself.
As flight attendants remind us, ‘Put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others.’
In fact, loving yourself is one of the greatest gifts you can give to the world, because the more you truly love yourself, the more love you have to give.
Here’s a great article on self-love I found by Deborah Khoshaba, Psy.D.
Seven-Step Prescription for Self-Love.
- Become mindful. People who have more self-love tend to know what they think, feel and want. They are mindful of who they are and act on this knowledge, rather than on what others want for them.
- Act on what you need rather than what you want. You love yourself when you can turn away from something that feels good and exciting to what you need to stay strong, centered, and moving forward in your life, instead. By staying focused on what you need, you turn away from automatic behavior patterns that get you into trouble, keep you stuck in the past, and lessen self-love.
- Practice good self-care. You will love yourself more, when you take better care of your basic needs. People high in self-love nourish themselves daily through healthy activities, like sound nutrition, exercise, proper sleep, intimacy and healthy social interactions.
- Set boundaries. You’ll love yourself more when you set limits or say no to work, love, or activities that deplete or harm you physically, emotionally and spiritually, or express poorly who you are.
- Protect yourself. Bring the right people into your life. I love the termfrenemies that I learned from my younger clients. It describes so well the type of “friends” who take pleasure in your pain and loss rather than in your happiness and success. My suggestion to you here: Get rid of them! There isn’t enough time in your life to waste on people who want to take away the shine on your face that says, “I genuinely love myself and life”. You will love and respect yourself more.
- Forgive yourself. We humans can be so hard on ourselves. The downside of taking responsiblity for our actions is punishing ourselves too much for mistakes in learning and growing. You have to accept your humanness (the fact that you are not perfect), before you can truly love yourself. Practice being less hard on yourself when you make a mistake. Remember, there are no failures, if you have learned and grown from your mistakes; there are only lessons learned.
- Live intentionally. You will accept and love yourself more, whatever is happening in your life, when you live with purpose and design. Your purpose doesn’t have to be crystal clear to you. If your intention is to live a meaningful and healthy life, you will make decisions that support this intention, and feel good about yourself when you succeed in this purpose. You will love yourself more if you see yourself accomplishing what you set out to do. You need to establish your living intentions, to do this.
If you choose just one or two of these self-love actions to work on, you will begin to accept and love yourself more. Just imagine how much you’ll appreciate you when you exercise these seven-steps to self-love. It is true that you can only love a person as much as you love yourself. If you exercise all of the actions of self-love that I describe here, you will allow and encourage others to express themselves in the same way. The more self-love you have for yourself, the better prepared you are for healthy relating. Even more, you will start to attract people and circumstances to you that support your well-being.
I am here to support your well-being. I know how hard it can be to break old patterns by yourself. It’s way easier when someone holding the vision with you and holding your hand every step of the way. If you would like support in cultivating more self-love I’m here to help.
Click here to schedule a complimentary consultation to see how I can support you in fully loving yourself.